“I wish for all of us the blindness of love that makes us see no faults in the other.”
― Kamand Kojouri
It Is Not Our Fault. It must be the moon. I walked what felt like a mile, up and down stairs, back and forth, in and out of rooms looking for the stinking remote control to my small kitchen-counter TV. I call it going-in-circles. After the tenth trip not looking outside the obvious, but surprised it wasn’t under my nose somewhere, it moved to a place where I could easily see it!
Then I get a an angry email from a friend who left me wondering was it what I said or didn’t say, that led this person to letting off steam and me feeling, well, scorched. I had a nagging sense life is so much less complicated when I don’t have to interact with anyone or anything. My dogs always agree no matter what I say. There just is not the grace I need to make amends, or live by a higher set of principles other than dog slobber? Does anyone else ever feel that way?
Mistakes with other people are made, sometimes more than one, on any given day. We try not to disappoint others because it hurts us more than the receiver and, sometimes, it just is not our fault. Today, we do not have to accept responsibility for anything said by someone else, unless we were wrong to begin with, then it becomes our best interest to do so. It just is what it is.
When we’re coming in for that home run and dive short of home plate, we remind ourselves to get up and dust ourselves off. This tells us we get to live again to keep making even more mistakes. Some are made, even much worse than the last, some not so revealing.
What Can We Do To Forgive Ourselves for Not Being Perfect?
- We learn to not take ourselves or anyone else, too seriously. In recovery we call this Rule 62. We don’t need to look too far to see how bad life can get even when we are minding our own business.
- Consider the source. When we put life in perspective, we remember that 99 percent of the stuff that whirls around us, doesn’t belong to us. Certainly much of what comes out of the mouths of others, has nothing to do with us at all. They’re giving their opinion.
- What was it about the incident that caused us to react? Did something someone said hit a hot button? Was what they said the truth? If it was true, then it may be something we need to look at. Most of the time there is little truth to something being our fault. Where the truth is ours, then we have an obligation to make an amend. If necessary, and at a minimum, we get to change our reaction to a situation. Oftentimes, it’s about the other persons’ expectations, disappointments or something else. So if there is no truth in their statements for you–we let it go!
Tara Brach, Ph.D, from the “Wisdom of It’s Not My Fault,” recently said,
“When we are not caught in self-blame, we are free to love this life. Opening to the possibility of It’s not my fault creates space for true intimacy with our world and deep inner freedom. When our actions arise from this open hearted presence, they naturally bring healing and nourishment to others.”
We Find Forgiveness
So as much as possible, we forgive ourselves for implied or exact wrongdoings. The hope is to find enough compassion for the other person, so we can forgive them too. We need the nourishment of healing in our lives.
If you liked what you’ve read, please let me know. You can join me and many others by opting-in to my monthly newsletter to receive this and pages from my soon to be published book, “Miracles of Recovery.”