“I truly don’t know what will happen in my life, and I don’t need to know. My life will unfold the way it needs to. Having to know kept me caught in my head. Not needing to know keeps me open to the great mystery of life.”
― Mary O’Malley
Growing up in a family of addiction the elephant never left the room. The unspoken message of the day was “don’t feel,”, “don’t trust,” and “don’t talk.” I grew up believing I needed an answer to everything to make sense of my world, my experiences, and everyone around me. All you had to do was ask me and I’d tell you, regardless if I had the answer or not. Somehow, I had to give up the need to know. My disquieted ego told me I deserved answers to prepare for and expect whatever lied ahead.
Recovery said my job wasn’t to have the answers to life. The peace I sought rested in my ability to leave the unknown to the Divine. This is God’s business. My job, is to trust the process of faith and Let Go and Let God. I dispensed with years of displaced beliefs that were nothing short of my attempt to control everything. It is difficult, and I have no expectations of perfection.
Five Action Steps to Take to Let Go of the Need to Know:
- Purchase Blinders: Imaginary blinders keep me focused in the here and now and prevent me from looking too far back on my life, or getting ahead of myself. It helps me to remember that my business is right in front of me.
- Whose Job is it Anyway? Is it my job to have the answers to your problems? No. Today I am reminded that my single responsibility is to keep the focus on me and let my God take care of everything and everyone else.
- Pause before Speaking: When I’m able to breathe long enough to pause before I say something, I’m able to tap into known truths about why I think I need to respond.
Some questions to ask ourselves:
Why am I speaking? This is the most important question. Is what I have to contribute a fact, is it useful and is it for the greater good or am I speaking to impress someone? What do I have to prove? What are my motives for speaking?
Did someone ask my opinion? If no one asked me for my opinion, we may not want to contribute. We forget we’re not as important to others as we are to ourselves.
Am I speaking in my will or God’s Will? If I’ve asked myself the questions above and prayed, then my intuitive thought, more often than not, is the right thing to do.
Often, our emotional comfort begins and ends with the question, “How Important Is It?”
4.We are Not That Important. Sounds harsh, but the truth is while we may be all we think about, the rest of the world is unimpressed since they’re thinking about themselves! The unfortunate truth is we only thought we deserved to have all the answers to everything to bolster our over-inflated ego. Let it go. I remember asking my brother a question. His stock answer was NONYA, “None of Your Business!”
5 It Is Not Our Time. Surrendering to the idea it is not our time to have the information may ease the transition of knowing to surrendering easier to accept. Carolyn Myss explains, “What you are releasing is your need for God or the heavens or the Divine to explain the events of your life in a rational way.”
The enormity of peace that comes from getting out of the way, is indescribable. On most days, my life is manageable and full of light as I remember to let go of my suffocating need to know. It’s none of my business. Needing to know requires much emotional energy as it was never mine to manage.
As I give up the ghost of needing to know, I am transported to a serene pathway of what is in front of me to do, and to an acceptance of what is. Right here and right now. Emotional balance is the goal, and I become efficient and confident just for today if I Let Go and Let God. When I’m able to surrender to what is and remember to keep my ego in the middle of that Merry-Go-Round called “thinking,” my day goes smooth and uncomplicated.