Finding My Way


This writing thing makes me feel so insecure it scares me.  I sent my manuscript out to eleven beta readers in preparation for a final edit by my editor. And I want to eat everything in sight. Finding my way presents lots of feelings of doubt, and often for someone in recovery, it feels more like PANIC!

Thoughts of what to do with my writing make me tip-toe my way someone trying to find my wayover minefields of insecurity.

I worry about my voice, whether people will hear me for who I am, and then I worry that if they do, will they like what they hear and read it through?

Will they tell their friends, will it be the hottest thing since Gone with the Wind, or the biggest FLOP Of The YEAR? I can just see the Marque. It reads:

Harriet Hunter Writes The Biggest Flop Of the Year, But Qualifies for the Biggest Loser in Writing Non-Fiction AWARD.”

Of course, I worry that what I write is not good enough. In addition, I feel afraid I sound too authoritative, too brash and not soft enough.

But then these thoughts aren’t that unusual from anyone else who has to find their way through anything new. Imagine all the troubling feelings that come to anyone else. I wonder if normal people feel panic and tugs of self-doubt at their heart?

I Think of the times I’ve had to Find My Way.

Maybe it was that first Holiday away from home; finding my way to my college dorm, and then classes. Then comes the new jobs, new mates, a new city, maybe a new cat or dog. Maybe it was having to find my way in to a new career in a new state.

What a journey life is.

A continuing saga of sets of circumstances different for everyone where we’re always searching to find our way through life. It feels foreign, at odds with ourselves. We may wonder as we experience non-stop stress if finding our way is worth all the insecurity that comes with putting ourselves out there?

And then…

 We change direction!

We become so comfortable with yet major changes life throws at us that by now, the act of change itself becomes as non-threatening as changing our babies diapers.

This blog is about my finding my way balancing what I know with what I don’t know. Right now it feels downright lopsided. But maybe this is what normal is?

It is what we do isn’t it, we make adjustments and changes, we find our way somehow as we learn more and become more confident? Seems like it feels a lot like a novice ice skater trying to perfect a triple-jump, or a pro-golfer who needs his next shot to be that ever-the elusive hole-in-one. I suppose that’s where I am, trying to feel what works for my blogging, what doesn’t work.

Imagine we are all in one giant boat regatta; adjusting our sails and compensating for a tighter course around the corner. We make that expert move at just the right moment, to be the best we can be at what we love and turn that corner to win the race!. And we keep practicing it until the wind grabs our sails right where we hoped it would!

It feels good to be among the normal folks, adjusting as I go continue to find my way.

Please like and share if you can relate.

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